Sunday 2 January 2005

Picture the scene, I'm starving, I've have had an Indian restaurant/takeaway recommended highly to me. Having lived in Bradford for so long I can be very critical of Indian food. It' s just never up to Bradford's standards. It arrives, swimming in Ghee, the wrong starters, miniscule portions and very very expensive (you can still eat in a restaurant in Bradford for a fiver!) I ring said takeaway (Oh alright then it's The Blue Tiger, Chapel Street, Leigh!). They explain that they don't do Vegetable Paccora. (Ey? fry some fucking vegetables in batter! hey presto!) so they substitute it with Onion Bhaji. I demand a refund even though O. seems to be enjoying her girly Korma. I hotfoot it down there in a Roughy grump, planning my big speech in front of a packed restaurant. I don't even get the satisfaction of enjoying watching the owner squirm. The money (all of it) is handed over with the minimum of fuss (bastards!). Another takeaway is ordered this time from the Leigh Tandoori (Twist Lane, Leigh) They don't do Vegetable Pacorra either! I order Mushroom Bhaji's. Predictably it's shite, it goes into the bin and by now I'm in a frenzy, desperate for spicy food and everywhere is starting to close. A Chinese is ordered and shouty Roughy collects it and then I'm stopped by the police and breathalised! It got the all clear of course, but I almost get arrested for ranting to the coppers about what an absolute shithole Leigh is and that they can't do proper takeaway food, the pie and chips are crap and that you can't get Cod OR batter bits for love nor money. The Rozzer was sympathetic, him being from the cultural metropolis that is Wigan. He said he'd drop some takeaway flyers through the letter box..but how will I know it's him that's left them?
FTM!