Wednesday 22 December 2004

I'm a poorly soldier, literally shagged out! My throat is sore and my headaches. But that's life on the road for a working comedian at Christmas. Once again the build up to Yuletide has passed me by. I promised myself last year that I would enjoy the build up, as I was in Pantomime this time in 2003 I literally had no idea what day it was and was scrambling for wrapping paper in WH Smiths at five to four on Christmas Eve! Oh, I've seem the parties, witnessed the ladies puking over their carefully chosen outfits (courtesy of local designer Matt Alan of Warrington - Cheers Bill!), had to endure cigar toting executives spouting bigoted filth in the way of humour "Ey! ya can use that one son" where? at a fucking KKK gathering? I've also seen some marvelous food being consumed, generally whilst I'm sat in the corner drooling with a pint and a packet of salted peanuts! Note to party organisers, isn't it just good manners to offer me a drink and something to eat after my long journey?.
Anyway it's been a fantastic week some amazing gigs and against all the odds I've received some very favourable reactions.
The highlites have been:
A show for the North West branch of the Magicians Society. This was a lovely room in the Irish Cultural Centre, Manchester. (This was one gig where I didn't feel self conscious genuflecting before I hit the stage!). The night was an homage to the days of the Wheeltappers and Shunters, some delicious hotpot, a nice (older) audience made for a very pleasant evening. The gentleman organising it obviously went to a lot of trouble and he did a very good job too!
I had my own Christmas party in Chesterfield. The Ark Tavern has held many Mark Rough Comedy Roadshows, I have lots of friends there and the (new) Landlord and Landlady, Lucy and Jim done a great job of preserving the atmosphere fostered by the previous incumbents,(actually Lucy's Mam and Dad). I had a nice gig, was well prepared before I went on. The acts were superb including my friend and writer extraordinaire Crispin Fisher who cracked the best Yorkshire Ripper gag I've heard for ages. John Chambers certainly lived up to the build up I gave him and young upstart Owen Niblock (top comedy name) again showed why he is being talked up in the "industry." The headliner was none other than bizzaro, Freaks Outing. If anyone hasn't seen Freaks, then get along next time he's in your area. Filth, songs, suspenders and a Vicar's lament to a homosexual free Heaven is just a taste of what he's about. A class act. Oh and Y and I got drunk (ish). A lovely office party for the Roughmeister.
The day after was a strange one. Held in a community centre, I was expecting a scout hut. What I got was a beautiful purpose built community resource with a great bar and a fantastic hall with a massive stage and dressing rooms (more of which later!). The audience was slightly down on tickets actually sold but this gig was being held on the one day in the year when everyone gets arseholed after work or indeed in some cases actually at work! I had a great gig and a fantastic night. Funniest part of the evening was walking in on my host/ promoter ( I had no idea she was the closing act) and her colleague in the dressing room.Keeping eye contact with a half naked lady five inches smaller than me was difficult but it was either that or stare at her, not insignificant chest! The ladies in question were Ladiezinc a a sort of Blues Sisters, despite an awful sound they were very entertaining. All in all the best night so far in my Christmas tour!
Once again I found myself in a community centre, this time in the middle of scab country, North Nottingham in a pretty village with a lovely pub run by my friends Andy and Sue (of ex Ark Tavern fame) So I spent a convivial couple of hours before my show chatting and catching up. Again the venue was a fantastic council resource (see, that's the reward you get for going back to work and shitting on your work- mates!) with a lovely stage. So after sitting in the corner eating salted nuts and listening in on the wittering of a bunch of hairdressers) I hit the stage running and stormed it, got an encore and was asked back for next year. I hotfooted it back to Andy and Sue's place, The Blue Bell and spent another couple of hours discussing whether the 20 year bar man was really my love child from the days of the strike! The lad was my doppleganger and it did get me thinking!
Sometimes a gig really works, after a lovely afternoon session where I surpassed even myself and the worst meal in living memory (note to pubs selling food: Chilli flavoured chips do not go well with battered Cod! and next time I'm served batter that hard I'll fucking hit the chef with it and then we'll see how hard it/he is!) I turned up at the evening venue not holding out much hope. A slightly older crowd than I had hoped for were crammed in to a room (well, when I say room it was more of a conservatory!) literally inches from where I was standing and they surrounded me, I hate having to turn my back on an audience, though I have had a few turn their backs on me! As it turned out they were lovely, lot's of banter and it allowed me to go off topic and riff with them one encore later I was on my way. It was a long hard night but well with it in the end!
So they've been the highlites of my week thus far and despite almost being killed in my beloved little car twice on Tuesday all in all it's been a top one.
While I was writing this I took a call from an agent offering me a late gig on Christmas Eve, nice and simple and 40 minutes from home. Y decided she didn't like the idea of that. Women! you can't live with them..well I can't since that court order!!!!!
FTM!