Monday 21 May 2007

It was a very busy week last week. I went to Spain for a few gigs. I slept in for my flight, so instead of getting a taxi to the airport I drove, checked in on time and flew to my destination.
A resort that was, to say the least a bit of a shit hole. The hotel was nice and the Rep assigned to look after me was helpful as he listened to me whinge about the amount of kids running around and that under no circumstances would I set foot on that stage if there was one child in the audience. I had a snooze and woke up in a much better mood. The place looked nicer by night, I had some good food and whiled away the hours before my gig having couple of beers.
The gigs themselves were fantastic. As the Madeleine story was hot in the news a lot of parents weren't using the baby listening service so a small (50/60+) crowd were there for late night cabaret. What can I say they got the Motormouth experience and loved it. Over the course of the next few days I started to recognise some of my punters and as the nights went on the crowd swelled. I'll definitely be going back.
In true Roughy style the bus taking me to the airport didn't turn up so I had an extra couple of days in the sun while my missus sorted out a return flight...oh dear!. Now most blokes getting themselves in that situation would be looking forward to a few deaf and dumb breakfasts, but no Lorri pulled out all the stops and got me home with a minimum level of fuss and no ear ache. She's an amazing woman.

So sandwiched in between a couple of Rugby league sporting dinners I had what I could only describe as one of the most challenging gigs of my career. When acts are described as "self contained" it means that we bring our own sound system when needed. that's not a problem, I don't own one as I never get asked to bring it any more. For a gig for a new agent I was asked to be self contained for a show in Liverpool. I borrowed one from my apprentice JS (thank you young 'un!) but on turning up at the gig it was in a very small room for roughly 30+ people. I wish it had been a big enough gig to warrant a PA system! It was a strange one. A corporate for a company that had been holding a week long conference in Liverpool for people from all over the world. They invited them to Anfield (a beautiful venue ) for dinner and entertainment. At least a fifth of my audience were American..oh dear again! The company organising the conference were lovely people, I had dinner with them as I nervously awaited being introduced, I knew what the pitfall were going to be, an intimate crowd, loads of Americans who wouldn't get my cultural references and me not being sure what levels of rudeness I could achieve. The gig itself was OK, that's all, just OK. The crowd were nice and sometimes forgiving of me, they could see what a difficult job it was. They laughed, they groaned they hissed when I was naughty but all in all I thought I did a decent job. However!...just as I write this, the agent has rang and said that he'd heard second hand that the client wasn't too happy. I'm not sure as yet but I shall keep you, dear reader informed.
FTM!

Thursday 10 May 2007

Long drive home yesterday, Lorri and I had spent the previous evening sorting our future out and it certainly looks exciting and a challenge I'm really looking forward to. It's strange being in Love and having someone to share the good times and bad..I'm just glad it's her!

Got to Leeds for my gig last night, I love Leeds. Even on a wet and miserable Wednesday night the city was buzzing. The gig itself was a strange one. It was the first for a new agent of mine so I was eager to impress. The deal was that some students at Leeds Met University, as part of their Marketing course were required to put on a nights entertainment, hire the venue, sell the tickets, book the acts and make a profit. I was duly booked and turned up to find an empty venue. I had supper in Wetherspoons (what a shit hole Wetherspoons = the new Brewsters!) and when I returned the venue was sold out! They'd done a fantastic job in promoting the evening and even though there was very little "performance" room that didn't seem to matter as I really enjoyed the gig. The lads and lasses went out of their way to make me comfortable and they got the assembled throng nice and warmed up and quiet ready for me. It was a strange gig, playing almost exclusively to 18 year olds, some of my references went over their heads but they really got into the spirit of the evening. Their tutors were there to assess the evening and they got some of the "in jokes". My favourite bit of the night was when 3 girls dressed as ninja turtles (students, wacky ey?) walked past me to go the loo. I announced them as "Dennis Wise and his back room staff at Leeds United" this got a roar of approval as being students, none of them were from Leeds!
The drive home wasn't too bad and it was straight to bed with a drink and the days papers while they no doubt were dancing the night away...I'm getting old!
I'm off to Spain tomorrow for three gigs, back on Monday. I hope it's warm
FTM!

Tuesday 8 May 2007

Having celebrated the title win on Sunday, we had, what started out as a night out in Aberdeen. Lorri had been really poorly through the week and I know it was a struggle for her to go out, but she said she felt up to it and was sick of staring at four walls to be honest. We'd decided to go to a lovely comedy club at a venue we know and love. I was toying with the idea of doing a cheeky ten minutes to keep my hand in, but the bill looked very good and full. On arriving it was packed and there were no seats. The promoter, a lovely chap said I could do ten minutes but would I like to compere? I declined, I don't like compering comedy clubs, I neither have the patience or the style to do it. It then turned out that he'd asked the headliner ( A top Scottish Comic and former Perrier nominee) to M.C. the evening and asked me to headline it. So a night out turned into work. The crowd were boisterous but our Perrier friend compered with such ease and guile he had them laughing in all the right places and respectful of the acts.

I was slightly concerned, this was, after all, Scotland, who don't always love English comics and Iwas wearing my "Mackems,- Ramones" T-shirt! I was introduced in a lovely way and the crowd actually believed they were getting a real treat they weren't expecting. I stormed the gig, they loved me and my t-shirt. Lorri was beaming with pride when I came off stage and I was surrounded by admiring Aberdonians. I suppose my fear of Scottish audiences is unwarranted and it made me think long and hard about extending the stuff I do up here.We then got very, very drunk!

Back home tomorrow, oh well!
FTM!

Sunderland AFC: Football League Champions 2006-07

What a fantastic achievement from the boys in red and white.
Thank you Niall Quinn, thank you for everything. The magic carpet has taken off!
FTM!

Monday 30 April 2007

We're there! Sunderland were officially promoted to The Premiership yesterday afternoon after Derby County lost to Crystal Palace. It was a weird experience. Lorri and watched the game and it was an anti climax being promoted by default. It would have been nicer if we'd been able to do it on Friday night as Carlos Edwards goal was worthy of winning any major tournament in the world as we beat Burnley 3-2. It was also strange wanting Derby to lose, as people know they were my 2nd team when I was a lad and I've always followed them. I just hope they can go up via the play offs, though my money is on Southampton.

Today I booked a spot at the Manchester Comedy Festival(www.manchestercomedyfestival.co.uk). I don't usually go in for this sort of thing, my losses at Edinburgh were serious enough. But I've been given an opportunity to put on a show at a nice venue for very little cost, to showcase the best of the what I think is mainstream comedy. The show will be called "No Blacks, No Irish, No Mother In Law (Jokes!) - A Celebration of the New Mainstream". I'm not sure about the amount of people we'll get in but it'll be good for my profile and I'm sure we'll get lots of publicity.
FTM!

Wednesday 25 May 2007

I was woken by the news that Alan Ball had died. Lorri did this in a really special way. Knowing I would get numerous texts with the bad news, she left a little note at the side of the bed breaking the news to me gently.
Why should a 61 year old footballer who had never played for Sunderland have any connection with me? Easy really, I worked with Alan last May in Coventry. I was initially giddy that I'd be working with a World Cup winner but beyond the squeaky voice and the fact that he was an amazing player my feelings towards him were ambivalent to say the least.

He was amazing. he sat next to me regaling me with stories and anecdotes, taking a real interest in my work. He had the unerring habit of nudging me arm to emphasise his point. That gesture has been known ever since in our household as "doing an Alan Ball" His speech was terrific! the passion he showed shone through, he said that the passion and pride in the shirt should be the same for any shirt, be it an England shirt or your local park team. He was so enthusiastic about the game that had, after all kicked him in the teeth a few times. He mentioned how he'd lost his wife, Lesley to cancer only months previously and he swelled with pride when he talked about his family, much more than it did when he talked about winning the World Cup for England. By the end of his talk we all would have ran through a brick wall for him, he was that sort of person.

Lorri was there that night, she very rarely comes to dinners, she sat at the back and like all of us in that audience she was mesmerised. He listened and laughed to my act and stayed behind until every last autograph was given and every last photograph was taken. I'd like to think he's up there nudging St. Peter's elbow, telling him stories while waiting to see his beloved Lesley again.
FTM!

Saturday 21 April 2007

There are bad gigs and there are awful gigs!
On Thursday I came away from work feeling like a cheap whore that had just wanked a fat businessman off in a Travelodge!
My friend and apprentice JS accompanied me to the gig, we already had our misgivings but it was an opportunity to catch up with each other and enjoy a convivial evening making people laugh and earn a few bob for a our weekend's beer money.. He kindly offered to drive and the journey was uneventful and chatty.
How we laughed as we passed a run down pub with a similar name to the restaurant we were playing at, along with the obligatory hoodies on bikes outside. Mrs. Tom the sat nav woman informed us that we had "reached our destination" this couldn't be right? We are playing a restaurant and it's fifteen pund a ticket! Unfortunately Mrs. Tom was right as was her husband, Tom. The "restaurant" was annexed to the pub and our hearts sank. Mine sank even further when I saw the place and discovered only 12 tickets had been sold. This may have been due to the "marketing" which amounted to three fluorescent cardboard stars with our names written in felt tip pen!.
The pub itself was expected, more dirty ashtrays than customers. JS was asked if he'd like some food, his reply was priceless "No thanks I've ...er....seen the place".
We were then introduced to the compere for the evening who immediately starting firing questions at us like " So? How do you get into this comedy malarkey then?" and " What do you think of Peter Kay?" to the mind numbingly predictable "Isn't it shite that we can't do asylum seeker jokes anymore?" He then "warmed up" the audience with a selection of "jokes" that were too disgusting for even my ears. JS and I cringed and nursed our pints.
It was our turn, the pros's. JS did well it's ever so difficult playing to such a small crowd but his laid back approach made them feel comfortable in what were difficult circumstances. My mood was darkening but I went on and got through it, they enjoyed us because we delivered. Sometimes it has just got to be like that.
FTM!

Tuesday 17 April 2007

I had a fantastic weekend!
On Friday I did the long awaited gig with Niall Quinn. The branch that was hosting was based in Langley Park, County Durham. But on the night it was obvious the whole of the Durham Coalfield had turned out. There were some hitches along the way, Niall couldn't arrive until after 9.30 and with 300 Sunderland fans waiting to see their idol I had a bit of work to do to keep them entertained. We stopped for a drink in Chester Le Street beforehand where we bumped into Alex Stepney and John McGovern (both European Cup winners!) drinking in a little back street working men's club....priceless. Arriving at my gig (well, Niall's but you know what I mean) I was taken aback by the amount of people crammed into the venue. The organiser was fantastic if a little worried and harassed. We all got a table at the front and my nerves kicked in. I needn't have worried! Lorri assured me that I would storm it and storm it I did. it was a wonderful feeling doing a great gig in front of your own people. I then compered a question and answer session with the great man himself. he is so passionate, honest and positive, he wowed the crowd and I managed to make him laugh once or twice. I then got very, very drunk. One of the best nights of my professional life.
We went to the match the next day, bumped into some friends I'd not seen in over ten years, enjoyed another Sunderland victory and some rather nice chips and curry sauce!
On the evening we went to see 1977 a punk covers band from Sunderland. Brilliant night, saw some old friends and me and Lorri sang along to every song, feeling "like we're almost 16 again"
However disaster struck on Sunday! The Bungalow Cafe in Roker, somewhere I've whiled away the hours since I was a little boy, is now called Cafe Bugalow does funny coffee, panninis and has become ever so chi chi. No more bacon butties and steaming mugs of tea...progress?...you can keep it!
FTM!

Thursday 12 April 2007

I read a review of the Arctic Monkeys live show in The Guardian yesterday. The writer bemoaned the fact that the audience seemed to be made up of 2000 football shirted (gasp...) men! Now I have a real problem with this. I am a music snob and I've hated it in the past when my favourite little underground band have made it big and play to a much bigger and more mainstream audience. I've seen the Jam andManic Street Preachers in tiny venues and subsequently seen Paul Weller and said Manics in huge venues where the crowd do seem to resemble a footy match. There are shaven heads (a nod to the 30/40 somethings in the crowd with MPB rather than an homage to 1969 skins to be honest). What irked me about the review is that she wasn't keen on being surrounded by white working class men. it was almost as though she believed that rock music be the preserve of students, post grads and earnest young people in duffel coats and sandals. This isn't the case however. The Monkeys (if I may call them that?) play raucous indie/new wave/punk rock favoured by blokes! yes I've said the B word!
I guess I'm a bloke, my style of humour is seen as being quite laddish (albeit with a subtle twist). This is my dilemma you see. I don't wear football shirts but I know a lot of people who I consider friends that do. I don't eat humus and listen to avant garde jazz but I know a lot of people who I consider friends that do. It's almost like I'm stuck in a kind of John Osbourne esque half world that isn't my roots (white working class) or my post graduate life (Social Sciences, The Guardian, Private Eye etc). If I'm honest I'm comfortable in both. I like to consider myself metro class. Until that is, until...I'm invited to someones house for a dinner party and I realise very very quickly that I am and always will be, working class.

The football fan thing in the media bothers me. The Guardian Arctic Monkeys review and to a lesser extent Toby Hadoke's otherwise genius piece "Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf" perpetuate the myth that working class football fans are either racist, violent or indeed both. I think that there's a more subtle feeling that all white working class people hold the same views. If you're middle class ask yourself how would you react to being in the middle of a mostly white council estate? Would you shit yourself then regale your friends with stories of "how these people live"? OK then, what if it was a mostly Black/Asian neighborhood you found yourself in? Would you mock "the community" you'd just visited, would you dare say that you were frightened when you saw a large number of black youths hanging round the shops? Of course you wouldn't, but football wearing white "chavs" are easy targets for the liberal left. I've been through all of these emotions as a socialist and committed anti fascist comedian, it's difficult not to poke fun at easy targets that won't hold you up for scorn from the Guardianista
I'm going to go out with a footy shirt on tomorrow, wear it with pride and shit the woolly liberals up when I buy my fresh croissants then humus for dinner...
FTM!

Tuesday 10 April 2007

What a month it's been! I've had my 43rd birthday, did some gigs abroad, spent some time with my wife and Sunderland AFC have gone top of the league!

Yes, I was 43 on April 5th. I got some lovely presents and cards. A couple of cracking books from Lorri along with other goodies

There have been a couple of strange gigs this month worthy of comment. I did three shows in Spain, mainly to the same people every night. This is always difficult to do. I tried to split my set into 3, 20 minute spots but there is always a running gag that gets spoilt by that and of course certain gags run into each other. I also had the situation when in the middle of a story thinking "Have I already said that?". They went well though and it looks as though I'm going to be asked back on a monthly basis through the season.

One of the strangest gigs I've experienced recently was a tiny comedy club in Lancashire. I'd been asked to do it by a friend of a friend and as I would be working with one of my favourite comics (Greg Cook) I though it would make for a nice evening. The venue itself was a fantastic real ale bar. Unfortunately there was no stage space, the bar was a narrow area separating the two rooms. There were wide screen TVs at the back so we had the experience of playing to some people who had there backs to us and were still enjoying it! Bizarre. I thoroughly enjoyed Greg's set and the chat we had before the show. I didn't particularly enjoy my bit, though the crowd seemed to. I'd really thought I'd left the shouty Mackem Motormouth behind. The years I spent in shitty little pubs in the corner of the room, battling against Sky TV and rowdy customers was a godsend. Maybe I am the man to be able to do challenging gigs like this, maybe I'm getting old, but give me a comfortable, seated and appreciative audience anytime. Having said tha,t as a club on the circuit it is different and an experience for any comic wanting to play to an intimate crowd.

Easter was nice, it's an important time for me. A sa Roman catholic I fasted until absolution on Good Friday, luckily this year that wasn't too late and I enjoyed my lunch and meat free dinner.
This Friday See's me do the gig of my dreams. I'm playing in County Durham as apart of "A night with Niall" I'm so honoured to be sharing the stage with a hero of mine, a gentleman and a fantastic Chairman of SAFC.

We are top of the league as I speak, automatic promotion to the Premier League looks likely and in January I would have been happy with a top ten finish. We beat Southampton away yesterday, a tough game and it showed that this team, along with class and skill has a never say die attitude that we're all thankful for.
FTM!

Monday 19 March 2007

It's been a busy old week since I last posted.
On Wednesday I did a charity gig in Preston, with it being Comic Relief week it's always good to do something for nowt. The lady organising the night did a fantastic job, with a great band, some strictly ballroom dancing, me and a full house. I sneaked off hoping I'd done a good job. This was confirmed when she said something nice about me on the comedians web site www.chortle.co.uk.
Thursday was ho-hum but Friday saw me in Hartlepool, a Sportsman's Diner for Seaton Carew Cricket Club. I was on with one of my favourite speakers and someone I worshipped as a lad and now am proud to call him a mate, John McGovern, he did a great job and I literally ripped the roof off, always a nice thing to do in the north east. I got very drunk afterwards!
I was up early the next day to have a couple of hours with my daughter, A. Very convivial and I had a savaloy dip, heaven!. Lorri drove down from Aberdeen and attended her first Sunderland game. We had a drink in the Sunderland Deaf Society Club, very laudable having people with hearing impairment serving hundreds of thirsty Mackems, they did a grand job too. The match was bit non descript and it was freezing cold but we beat Hull City 2-0 and we enjoyed the day though and Lorri was mightily impressed with the SSOL and the Balti pies!
The gig on the night was strange, my sister and brother in law came along, as well as my mate NMc. The venue was somewhere I'd played many times before, but the audience were a little flat. I got there in the end though, then we got very drunk!
Sunday arrived with a cuddle and a hangover, fish and chips by the beach and sad farewells as Lorri headed up the road home. Me? I went to Gateshead and did a stag do to a 100 or so disinterested Geordies who'd just watched their team lose (I was loving it) and two of the most hideous strippers I've ever seen in my life. I'm glad I don't watch the "dancers" anymore, I'd just had my lunch and that may have tipped me over the edge.
So then it was a long drive home to Tyldesley in a fucking awful wind, couple of pints, supper and to bed with all the weekend's newspapers...bringing home to me how lonely it is being a comedian and having your new wife living 330 miles away.
FTM!

Tuesday 13th March 2007

A lot has happened since I last posted my diary. There's me and Mrs. Rough for one!
I married Lorri on the 9th January of this year. We'd been together for over two years and my one regret is that I didn't shout from the rooftops how in Love I was at the time. I did allude to Lorri throughout my blogging, but decided that discretion was the best thing for all.

So? I'm in Love, married and feeling good. My health is on the up, I've started eating properly and drinking less and my career is starting to take off again.
People may have seen me in the national newspapers a year or so back.....the bastards could have used a better picture of me!.

It's been a roller coaster 18 months, with my comedy taking a bit of a dip, due to a nasty piece of business done by my ex. No matter, Lorri had a real belief in me as a Comedian and as someone who works hard at being as professional as possible. So I went back to basics and things have really started to take off again. Will I achieve my ambition of being the top Comedian on the mainstream comedy circuit, well it's certainly looking that way. To the agents who dumped me, you were cowardly, I'm now playing bigger and better places and am planning my 10th anniversary tour of provincial theatres for this time next year.

There have been some great gigs, the best perhaps being my show at Blackburn King George's Hall in August 2005. people warned me that I that I wouldn't get a crowd in August, they were wrong! It was as near to selling out as is possible and it was all captured on DVD by a great company called Showcase Media(http://www.showcasemedia.co.uk/). Kevin did a fantastic job, filming editing and designing the consequent DVD "Have You Ever Had It Blue?" I'm really happy with it. Email me and order your copy now!
I've got so much catching up to do with this diary so I'm not going to attempt to cram it all into one posting, it'll all come back to me I promise!
Ironically when I last posted my beloved Sunderland AFC were embarking on what was a season of shame in the Premier League..that's all changed with the arrival of Niall and Keano. As I speak we're unbeaten in 12 and have won 10 of those. We've got Stoke at home tonight..can we go up this season, I wouldn't dare to dream. It's the hope I can't stand!
FTM!